{"url":"https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p","title":"Tough Love on Not Wanting Kids","domain":"thefp.com","imageUrl":"https://images.pexels.com/photos/29194061/pexels-photo-29194061.jpeg?auto=compress&cs=tinysrgb&h=650&w=940","pexelsSearchTerm":"thoughtful young woman","category":"Lifestyle","language":"en","slug":"45a5b8ba","id":"45a5b8ba-6f5e-48cf-a4e4-33ce9c63ee73","description":"A 29-year-old woman ambivalent about kids asks Abigail Shrier if she's wrong for never wanting them ahead of marriage.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-l","summary":"## TL;DR\n- A 29-year-old woman ambivalent about kids asks Abigail Shrier if she's wrong for never wanting them ahead of marriage.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)[[2]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want)\n- She enjoys friends' children but feels panic at motherhood, worries about loneliness, mental health risks, and future regret.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)\n- Shrier sorts women into groups where most develop kid desire only after loving a husband, suggesting the writer's feelings fit a real minority.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)[[2]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want)\n\n## The story at a glance\nA 29-year-old reader called \"Childless\" writes to Abigail Shrier's *Tough Love* advice column in *The Free Press*, questioning her lifelong lack of desire for kids as she nears marriage to her equally ambivalent partner. Shrier, the columnist and author, responds by categorizing women's motherhood instincts from high school days onward. The piece appeared March 26, 2026, amid broader *Free Press* essays on declining birth rates.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)[[2]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want)\n\n## Key points\n- Reader has never felt drawn to kids, even as a child; marriage yes, but motherhood triggers instant panic, unlike career ambition or trendy fears.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)\n- She and partner enjoy time with friends' kids without longing; worries center on old-age loneliness, selfishness of kids-for-company, and her mental health history plus family risks like postpartum depression.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)\n- Fears mismatched future changes in desire post-marriage (around 2027); partner stays unstressed while she ponders \"liberal propaganda.\"[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)\n- Shrier describes three high-school girl types: small group always baby-obsessed (often teachers), tinier group never interested, and biggest who assumed family someday but only craved kids after marrying a loved man.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)\n- Larger group shifts when picturing husband with child: \"tiny hands gripped gently by his giant palms.\"[[2]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want)\n\n## Details and context\nThe article opens noting children often boost mental health by pulling people outward and giving purpose—\"I’m worth living for\"—before the reader's full letter (visible pre-paywall).[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)\n\nShrier's partial response normalizes varied instincts without full resolution visible; it fits her *Tough Love* series in *The Free Press*, which tackles family, relationships, and cultural pressures bluntly.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)[[3]](https://www.thefp.com/p/introducing-tough-love-with-abigail)\n\nPaywall limits access beyond letter and response start, but snippets show no outright push for kids; instead, it validates the reader's self-awareness as legitimate, countering her doubt from pro-natalist essays.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)\n\n## Key quotes\n> \"Only after we had a husband we loved did we want to give him children, a family, a legacy. Only then did we begin to envision him with a child propped up around the back of his neck, tiny hands gripped gently by his giant palms.\"[[2]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want)[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p)\n\n— Abigail Shrier\n\n## Why it matters\nFalling birth rates spark cultural debates on personal choice versus societal good, and this column highlights how innate feelings—not just economics or propaganda—shape family decisions. For ambivalent couples like the reader, it means trusting gut instincts on kids could preserve a happy marriage without resentment, even if it risks later loneliness. Watch if Shrier's full advice surfaces in shares or her next columns, though paywall keeps the end cautious.","hashtags":["#family","#relationships","#motherhood","#advice","#birthrates","#parenting"],"sources":[{"url":"https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p","title":"Original article"},{"url":"https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want?utm_source=x&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=contentintl&utm_content=tlnokids&utm_adgroup=broad&utm_adid=&twclid=26d8bhzyubyo0uziioyw3yim8p","title":""},{"url":"https://www.thefp.com/p/tough-love-am-i-wrong-to-not-want","title":""},{"url":"https://www.thefp.com/p/introducing-tough-love-with-abigail","title":""}],"viewCount":2,"publishedAt":"2026-04-06T22:24:01.263Z"}