Skoyles Learns of Wife's 15-Year Affair via Her Memoir

TL;DR

Pact Broken: Writer John Skoyles learned of his wife's 15-year affair by reading reviews of her 2019 memoir, violating their decades-long agreement not to read each other's work.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/ancient-wisdom-i-learned-of-my-wifes-affair-in-her-memoir)[[2]](https://www.tigerdroppings.com/rant/o-t-lounge/dude-finds-out-about-his-wifes-affair-in-her-memoir/123250839)
Marriage Ends: The couple, married over 40 years, raised two children, taught full-time, published more than 20 books together, and settled in Cape Cod before the 2019 revelation ended their marriage.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/ancient-wisdom-i-learned-of-my-wifes-affair-in-her-memoir)
Trust Shattered: Skoyles reflects on how the betrayal turned decades of mutual support into deep suspicion, marking the end of their unique writer-couple bond.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/ancient-wisdom-i-learned-of-my-wifes-affair-in-her-memoir)

The story at a glance

John Skoyles, a poet and former poetry editor of Ploughshares, recounts discovering his wife's lengthy affair through reviews of her memoir in 2019, breaking their pact never to read each other's unpublished work. The couple had built a supportive life over four decades, raising children and publishing books while living in multiple states before Cape Cod. This personal essay appears in The Free Press's "Ancient Wisdom" series for writers over 70, published now as part of ongoing reflections on aging and relationships.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/ancient-wisdom-i-learned-of-my-wifes-affair-in-her-memoir)[[3]](https://x.com/annbauerwriter/status/2043109314835955734)

Key points

Skoyles and his wife, both writers and teachers, raised two children, cared for aging parents, and together published over 20 books.
They maintained a pact from early marriage not to read each other's work, unlike other writer couples they knew; they celebrated each other's successes, like her novel reviews and his fellowships.
In 2019, Skoyles saw reviews calling her new memoir "breathtaking" for revealing an "illicit affair with her longtime New York editor" and a "lengthy adulterous affair."[[2]](https://www.tigerdroppings.com/rant/o-t-lounge/dude-finds-out-about-his-wifes-affair-in-her-memoir/123250839)[[4]](https://www.thefp.com/p/the-weekend-press-a-lamb-too-cute)
He confronted her; she said she loved him, the affair meant nothing, and called it a fling.
Skoyles replied that 15 years was not a fling.
The broken pact in 2019 ended their marriage.[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/ancient-wisdom-i-learned-of-my-wifes-affair-in-her-memoir)

Details and context

The essay opens with Skoyles' vivid memory of the confrontation and a reflective line: “Decades lived in trust now teemed with suspicion.”[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/ancient-wisdom-i-learned-of-my-wifes-affair-in-her-memoir) As part of The Free Press's "Ancient Wisdom" series, it fits among pieces by seniors sharing life lessons on aging gracefully, though this one centers betrayal rather than triumph.

Skoyles, now in his 70s, has authored poetry collections, memoirs like Secret Frequencies, and novels; his ex-wife is novelist and memoirist Maria Flook, known for works like My Sister Life. They met at the Fine Arts Work Center in Provincetown, married in 1984, and moved often for academic jobs, including Warren Wilson College.[[3]](https://x.com/annbauerwriter/status/2043109314835955734)[[5]](https://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/authors/interviews/article/22311-pw-maria-flook-diary-of-a-double-life.html)

The full article is paywalled after the intro, so details like specific "ancient wisdom" lessons remain inaccessible without subscription; visible text and reviews confirm the core events without contradiction.

Key quotes

Wife, during confrontation: "She said she loved me. She said the affair meant nothing, that it was a fling."[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/ancient-wisdom-i-learned-of-my-wifes-affair-in-her-memoir)
Skoyles' reply: "I said that 15 years is not ‘a fling.’"[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/ancient-wisdom-i-learned-of-my-wifes-affair-in-her-memoir)
Skoyles on the aftermath: “Decades lived in trust now teemed with suspicion.”[[1]](https://www.thefp.com/p/ancient-wisdom-i-learned-of-my-wifes-affair-in-her-memoir)

Why it matters

Long marriages between creative partners rely on trust and boundaries like the Skoyles' pact, and breaches can end them abruptly even after shared successes. Readers in relationships or writing see a raw example of how hidden betrayals surface unexpectedly, turning support into suspicion. Watch for Skoyles' future work or Flook's response, though neither has publicly commented further.