Avoidant finds real connection with right partner

TL;DR

Yvette Brand shares her fearful-avoidant past and how meeting the right partner eased her avoidance.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)
After a 3-year avoidant relationship, she met him five years ago, feeling partnership as genuine, not tricked.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)
Avoidants crave love but fear it; wrong partners worsen push-pull, right ones reduce avoidance.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)

The story at a glance

Yvette Brand, who identifies as fearful-avoidant most of her life, writes reluctantly about causing heartbreak in past relationships and the exhaustion of avoidant push-pull dynamics. She met the right partner five years ago after a tough 3-year relationship, someone who made connection feel real. The piece, paywalled on Medium, cuts off mid-section on attachment style origins.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)

Key points

Avoidants take most blame as the "evil force" ruining relationships, but they are hard partners due to fear.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)
They crave love like anyone but get terrified; incompatible partners make avoidance stronger.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)
Author always sensed a better match existed who wouldn't trigger her defenses.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)
Personal shift: post-3-year avoidant stint, met partner five years ago where partnership felt authentic.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)
Article starts section on why attachment styles form but ends abruptly, likely paywalled.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)

Details and context

Brand draws from her life as fearful-avoidant, a style marked by craving closeness yet pulling away from fear of engulfment or hurt. This creates exhausting cycles, especially with anxious partners, though she doesn't detail that here.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)

The right partner, per her account, doesn't amplify defenses but lets vulnerability emerge naturally—hers felt like no trick or trap.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)

Full content inaccessible without Medium membership; snippets confirm focus on avoidants' hidden longing amid blame.[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b)

Key quotes

"I have been fearful-avoidant attached most of my life, and am very aware of the heartbreak I have caused to some of my partners."[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b) — Yvette Brand

"The truth is, avoidants crave love as much as anyone else; they are just terrified of it."[[1]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/when-the-avoidant-meets-the-right-person-72cb8c2e551b) — Yvette Brand

Why it matters

Avoidant styles shape many relationships, often leading to blame and breakup without understanding the fear beneath. For those dating avoidants or identifying as one, it highlights compatibility's role in easing patterns, based on one person's shift. Watch Brand's other pieces on attachment for more on what "right" partners provide, though full advice stays paywalled.[[2]](https://medium.com/write-a-catalyst/what-does-true-love-feel-like-for-an-avoidant-c7dd76c9763c)[[3]](https://medium.com/change-your-mind/what-if-avoidants-are-only-avoidant-with-the-wrong-people-84195f1f5621)