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Dear Donald, sadly one can’t make this trip

Source: thetimes.com

TL;DR

Giles Coren writes satirical letter from King Charles declining Trump's White House banquet invite.
Trump announced visit 27-30 April on Truth Social; Charles cites croquet with King of Narnia.
Satire mocks Trump insults to UK, highlighting strained US-UK ties.

The story at a glance

Giles Coren pens a mock letter purporting to be from King Charles to Donald Trump, politely refusing a state visit and banquet announced by Trump on Truth Social for 27-30 April. The piece satirises Trump's recent jabs at Britain's navy, oil policy, and Prime Minister. It comes amid reports of frayed transatlantic relations under Trump's presidency.

Key moments & milestones

Trump posts on Truth Social expecting Charles and Camilla for White House banquet on 28 April.
Charles's fictional reply laments "almighty diary cock-up" with prior croquet commitment in Narnia.
Letter references Trump's claim Britain lacks a navy and tells UK to "go get your own oil".
Coren breaks character, venting frustration with fountain pen while typing in capitals like Trump.

Signature highlights

Charles congratulates Trump on "moon rocket thingy", alludes to Trump's unverified 1974 moon mission and Mars plans.
Mocks Trump's Vietnam deferment due to "demmed bone-spurs" and military "expertise".
Melania Trump praised as "unfleppable" with "rigid face", like a "wexwork".
Camilla eager to discuss child literacy with Melania, warning against online "ignorance and lies" leading to voting for "giant orange lunatics".
Humorous risks: meeting Epstein victims, ICE shooting, or Prince in Montecito weed aisle.
Closing proposes rescheduling for "never".

Key quotes

"I’m actually committed to a game of croquet with the King of Narnia that evening."
"How about never? Is never good for you?" – Charles R

Why it matters

Satirical columns like this amplify public mockery of Trump's diplomacy, underscoring tensions in US-UK "special relationship". Readers see Coren's piece as witty pushback against Trump's UK insults, relevant amid Artemis moon mission and Iran conflicts. Watch for UK responses to Trump's NATO threats and state visit fallout.[[1]](https://www.thetimes.com/comment/columnists/article/dear-donald-sadly-one-cant-make-this-trip-ktz69rrpd)