Spot Frenemies and Be a Real Friend

TL;DR

The Atlantic's Facebook post promotes Arthur C. Brooks's article on spotting frenemies who pretend to be friends but undermine you.
Brooks offers a five-question quiz scoring relationships from 5 to 25, where over 20 signals a frenemy across competitive, two-faced, or manipulative types.
Spotting and distancing from frenemies boosts health and happiness, while committing to true friendship raises well-being.

The story at a glance

The Atlantic shared a post quoting its columnist Arthur C. Brooks on the value of identifying frenemies—people who act friendly but harm you—and distancing yourself for better health. The post links to Brooks's January article, which defines frenemies, provides a quiz based on six friendship qualities, and urges readers to be real friends instead. This resurfaced advice appears timely amid ongoing interest in personal relationships.[[1]](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/01/frenemy-machiavellianism-friendship-happiness/677159)[[2]](https://www.facebook.com/TheAtlantic/posts/pfbid0mDgMC1SqYcKwc7XgRUXCnCsZCuxNKk9j9ZcZkWq3zU54C7S78sV1uAnXnRNufRMZl)

Key points

Frenemies include competitive types driven by jealousy and rivalry, two-faced ones who criticize behind your back, and manipulative ones low in empathy who gaslight or sulk.[[1]](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/01/frenemy-machiavellianism-friendship-happiness/677159)
Research shows ambivalent ties like frenemies raise cardiovascular stress, blood pressure, depressed mood, and conflict more than outright enemies.
True friends excel in six areas from McGill studies: companionship, help, intimacy, reliable alliance, self-validation, and emotional security.
Quiz questions rate unease in fun activities, distrust in help or secrets, unreliable support, and lack of encouragement; scores over 20 flag frenemies, under 10 true friends.[[1]](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/01/frenemy-machiavellianism-friendship-happiness/677159)
People often keep frenemies to avoid conflict or for social utility, but Brooks advises cutting ties when possible.
To avoid being a frenemy, reflect on your patterns and practice kindness, which studies link to higher joy.

Details and context

Frenemies subtly erode well-being because their mixed signals create chronic stress, unlike clear enemies you can avoid. Brooks draws on psychological research, like Machiavellianism traits in manipulators who agree the best way to handle people is telling them what they want to hear.[[1]](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/01/frenemy-machiavellianism-friendship-happiness/677159)

The quiz adapts McGill's friendship dimensions into reverse-scored questions for practicality; it's not scientifically validated but offers a starting point for self-assessment, with an online version available.

Being a real friend means reliably providing the six qualities, such as comforting through hard times or genuinely cheering success—actions that build mutual joy over time.

Key quotes

“Looking for the telltale signs of a frenemy and taking action to distance yourself from the person are very worthwhile for your own health and happiness.”[[2]](https://www.facebook.com/TheAtlantic/posts/pfbid0mDgMC1SqYcKwc7XgRUXCnCsZCuxNKk9j9ZcZkWq3zU54C7S78sV1uAnXnRNufRMZl)

— Arthur C. Brooks, in the article quoted by The Atlantic's post.[[1]](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/01/frenemy-machiavellianism-friendship-happiness/677159)

“Real friends comfort and reassure each other through difficult times.”[[1]](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/01/frenemy-machiavellianism-friendship-happiness/677159)

— From McGill research on friendship dimensions, cited by Brooks.

Why it matters

Frenemies drain emotional energy and health in ways overt foes do not, affecting daily stress and long-term happiness for anyone with broad social circles. Readers can use the quiz to audit key relationships, potentially freeing time for supportive ties that improve mood and reduce conflict. Watch whether distancing from one person opens space for deeper friendships, though results vary by individual circumstances.