Husband alone without sex from wife after kids

TL;DR

A husband married 15 years writes to Allison about his wife's lack of interest in sex since their three young kids arrived.
He feels alone despite occasional duty sex, late nights apart, and failed talks about loneliness and counselling.
Psychologist Allison Keating likely advises open communication, understanding her exhaustion, and practical steps to rebuild connection.

The story at a glance

A man describes his happy family life overshadowed by no intimacy from his wife after kids, leaving him sad and isolated. Psychologist Allison Keating responds in her Belfast Telegraph advice column. The article appeared this week amid ongoing shares on social media.[[1]](https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/life/ask-allison-im-a-good-husband-and-father-but-my-wife-doesnt-want-sex-with-me-and-i-feel-so-alone.-is-there-any-way-to-fix-this/a/145644407.html)[[2]](https://www.facebook.com/Independent.ie/posts/question-my-wife-and-i-are-married-15-years-we-have-three-young-kids-and-we-lead/1370312445140921)

Key points

Married 15 years, two demanding jobs, three young children, generally happy but busy lives.
Wife lost interest in intimacy since kids; sex rare, she rarely initiates, feels like a duty, often no touching allowed.
She stays up late watching TV, claims tiredness daily, ignores his pleas about loneliness despite direct and subtle talks.
He sees himself as good provider and father, working on her requests, but no commitment to counsellors or change from her.
Fears growing old unhappy, bad example for kids; wonders about a break but loves family unit.
Column format: reader letter to Allison Keating, who gives psychological advice on relationships.

Details and context

The letter highlights common strains in long-term marriages with young children - exhaustion from dual careers and parenting often kills desire, especially for women post-kids.[[2]](https://www.facebook.com/Independent.ie/posts/question-my-wife-and-i-are-married-15-years-we-have-three-young-kids-and-we-lead/1370312445140921) He notes adapting over 15 years but feels the closeness, trust gone, not just sex.

Social media teasers and comments suggest exhaustion, possible hormones, depression, or unequal chores as factors; advice there includes date nights, massages, helping more.[[3]](https://www.facebook.com/belfasttelegraph/posts/ask-allison-im-a-good-husband-and-father-but-my-wife-doesnt-want-sex-with-me-and/1391571536349867)[[2]](https://www.facebook.com/Independent.ie/posts/question-my-wife-and-i-are-married-15-years-we-have-three-young-kids-and-we-lead/1370312445140921)

Full advice from Allison paywalled, but her columns typically urge empathy, communication, professional help without blame.

Key quotes

"Since kids have come along my wife has lost interest in having an intimate relationship with me."[[2]](https://www.facebook.com/Independent.ie/posts/question-my-wife-and-i-are-married-15-years-we-have-three-young-kids-and-we-lead/1370312445140921)

"I feel very alone. It’s not just sex, it’s the connection, trust and closeness that we once had."[[2]](https://www.facebook.com/Independent.ie/posts/question-my-wife-and-i-are-married-15-years-we-have-three-young-kids-and-we-lead/1370312445140921)

Why it matters

Intimacy droughts affect many parents, risking resentment and family breakdown if ignored. Readers in similar spots learn busy lives don't excuse avoiding talks or help. Watch if counselling starts or patterns persist, as change needs both commitment.